Thursday, January 1, 2009

Blogging for Posterity: My Borderline Marxist Revisioning of Snow White. Part Two

Catch up with the previous chapter here.

Part the Second: In Which Snow White Meets Socialist Dwarves*

And wasn't the woman he brought home dreadful? She was beautiful to look at, but vain and absent and, to top it off, an evil sorceress. She brought with her a magic mirror which she gazed in nightly and said:

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?

And the mirror responded:

The fairest woman to be seen is, in fact, you, my queen

And as the queen stared into the mirror and went about her evil sorcery business, Snow White carried on hanging out with household staff and worrying about the state of the kingdom. Until one day, the queen asked her mirror:

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?

And the mirror responded:

Woe this day and woe this night, the fairest one is now Snow White

The queen flew into a rage, she grabbed a box from her dressing table and ran out of the room. The first person she ran into was Freddie. She ordered him to take Snow White into the forest and kill her. He was to cut out her heart and return it to her in the box.

Freddie, of course, did NOT want to do this. So he took Snow White out into the forest and directed her to RUN RUN RUN. Then he killed a passing stag and put its heart into the box. The queen, having failed to pay adequate attention during her high school biology classes, was fooled.

Snow White ran and ran until she came upon a ramshackle old house in the woods. She knocked on the slightly ajar door and when she received no answer, swallowed her qualms and went in.

What a mess! There were seven unmade beds and seven unwashed dishes. Snow White was feeling nervous and worried and so she decided to clean up in order to distract herself. So she did. And when the little house was spick and span, she was still alone in the house and freaking out. So, she decided to distract herself a little more and made some nice soup.

When the dwarves came home, they were greeted by wholesome smells and a tidy house. At first they were irritated by Snow White's presumption, but then they decided to sit down to dinner. Over good soup and fresh bread, they reached an equitable agreement: Snow White would keep house for the dwarves in exchange for room and board and a modest stipend.

An equitable arrangement indeed!

And so they passed several weeks quite happily. Until one day the dwarves were away and a knock came at the door...

Coming tomorrow, Part the Third: In Which the Evil Queen Presents Poisonous Mark Kay Products

*The dwarves aren't really socialist, except in that way that a fair exchange for goods and services are socialist. You know, Obama-style socialism