Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Gay Marriage: Or, If It Weren't For All the Nuance!

This morning, Rex Huppke had a front page story in the Tribune all about teh gay marriage. I was interested when I read this:

Each side in this debate tends to broad-brush the other: radical, bigoted, asking too much, giving too little. But in the calm reflections of the Creswells [straight] and Neubeckers [gay], a more nuanced disagreement can be found. And while it may not be settled, it can at least be better understood.

Oooh, "nuanced disagreement." Love it!

Let's get all up in the Creswells' nuance!

They've seen firsthand how the legal definition of a family can work against people bound by love and support but not necessarily blood or formal documents.

Ah, but:

"It seems inconceivable to me that you'd say, 'OK, let's redefine marriage, let's go further with this experiment,' and then the next day there wouldn't be a polygamist at the door saying, 'What about me?'

Ah, I see. By nuanced disagreement, Rex Huppke means "the same tired and easily refuted (each petition for amending legal marriage should be taken on its own merits. KaDUH!) argument that's been made against gay marriage for the past 20 years or so."

For too long, this "nuanced" discussion has been led by towering intellects who oppose gay marriage because if two dudes get married than it's inevitable that your next reservation at Spiaggia will just be RUINED when a dude and his goat wife are seated at the next table. I am sick to death of treating these arguments (oh, who am I kidding: this argument) as legitimate. You can't win a debate with these people. It's time to stop having it.

Traditional media has recently glommed onto the idea that weirdo sex freaks who are not skeeved out by two men kissing have been making for years: get government out of marriage all together.

It's time to go full on Ron Paul up on this. If we can't stop legitimizing "it's a shame for the homos, but if we let them get married than all my weird, sick fantasies will surely come true", then it's time to give the argument up all together. No more legal marriage. Civil unions for all!