Tuesday, May 12, 2009


You know, in general, I am a teary motherfucker. But, lately, my GOD, I am constantly crying! I'm so irritated with myself, I've thought about punching myself in the face. Except, of course, that would make me cry.

This is not the person I aim to be. I fancy myself a wiseacre. I mask my emotions behind a shallow facade of snark (or a facade of shallow snark... I can't decide). And this facade is very hard to maintain when I'm bursting into tears at random moments.

I think it's because of the stress. These are parlous times we live in with the Layoff Sword of Damocles is hanging over the Bon household. Neither of us are laid off, but, shit, it could certainly happen. And instead of savings, we have debt. And lots of it. We've now paid off the amount of money we borrowed for Laney's adoption about threefold, and owe barely less than we originally borrowed. Fucking evil credit card motherfuckers. If I were Maude, I'd tell them all that God will get them. But, I don't believe in God. I wish Bea Arthur would get them. Better yet, Barack*, when you get a second, can you switch ownership of Congress away from the banks and back to, you know, us? And then can you get the carcinogens out of my kid's shampoo?

You know, thinking about all the stuff Obama has to deal with makes me even MORE disgusted by the fact that I can't stop crying over a little bit of debt. We should all take a lesson from No Drama Obama. Maybe smoking is the answer.

Perhaps now is a good time to turn to Garrison Keillor, who wrote in the preface of my bible:

Perhaps you are imprisoned in a character you created for yourself who seemed smart and cheerful and virtuous and now feels like a wooden costume, heavy, clunky

I do, Garrison! I feel like that all the time! Got a poem for me? How about one by that great American poet, Anonymous:

Carnation milk is the best in the land
Here I sit with a can in hand

No tits to pull, no hay to pitch,

You just punch a hole in the son of a bitch.

Ahhh.... I feel better now. Seriously, no snark, shallow or otherwise. That little ditty always cheers me up and restores my focus.

* Seriously, Google, "Barack" is still flagged by your spellchecker?