And as I was kvetching about this on Facebook, I remembered a previous blog post I wrote in which I needled at the idea of re-inventing myself. One of the first comments on that blog post was from my late sister-in-law, Debbie, who said to me "I think you're a beautiful person. I don't know why you want to change yourself at all."
Oh, that made me feel so much better! It was so reassuring and so kind and so loving. Debbie thinks I'm a beautiful person! How wonderful!
So, I got to missing Debbie in the most selfish way because she was so good at making me feel better.
Debbie taught me so much about being a mother. Outside of my own mother, I have no greater influence in this fraught, wonderful, terrifying business. She was just so great at it!
Oh, Debbie! We miss you so much! I know your kids miss you desperately. But I also know they'll be OK: they were raised by a champion. They'll do just great.
I hope I can always remember the things her beautiful, short life brought to me - how freeing it is to forgive people and remind them that you love them. How much it means when you tell someone that you think she's a beautiful person.
Debbie was a beautiful person. And we were so lucky to have had her. The best honor I can do to her legacy is to remember what she brought to me; to do the best I can and to remember how much it means to tell someone you think they're beautiful.
Still, I feel so sad right now. I miss her.
