A By-No-Means-Exhaustive List of Words/Phrases that Make My Eye Twitch

• Electrolyte
• Mancave
• Bernie would have won
• GMO-free
• Blessed
• Pre-Owned
• Economic Insecurity
• Utilize
• You won't believe...
• 'n
• Real Women
• Real People
• Hillary should have...
• Free gift
• Fat-free
• America first
• The French are so much more...
• Women are from Venus 
• Men are from Mars
• I'm just being honest
• Politically correct
• Passed away
• Made love
• Just sayin'
• Dump

The Fuckery that Lies Beneath

I am not here to tell you that Trump is successfully distracting you. Trump is a dotty old racist who says whatever pops into his brain so long as he feels it will make people believe he has a fat wallet and a huge penis.  Trump nonetheless has a great deal of power and a tendency to say and do things which are worthy of our attention.

That said, I'm pretty sure the FBI has him dead to rights and we should let Robert Mueller and the rest of federal law enforcement (all of whom fucking hate Trump) do their work.  They don't need us sharing the same story eleventy million times to encourage them to continue their investigation.  I am reasonably confident they're going to do everything they can to get the bastard.

As they do their work, I would encourage my fellow libtards to pay close attention to the fuckery that lies beneath.  Congressional GOoP-ers aren't ignoring Trump because they're afraid of him.  They're letting him suck up all the airspace while they enact some truly horrible shit that will take decades to undo.  So I'm gonna mention three here and hope that you share stories about these, tweet about these and, mostly, CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES ABOUT THESE.

Fuckery the First:
The GOP plan is to shoot the ACA in the gut and then complain about all the blood on the carpet. Paul Ryan and his cronies do not believe that the government should have anything to do with healthcare.  They believe the free market should handle it, free from constraint.  And they know that this won't win them any votes because dying of treatable illness because you're not a millionaire doesn't play well with anyone except BCBS shareholders.  So they're being slimy little snakes about it hoping that you won't notice.  Notice. Keep an eye on this shit and, if I haven't mentioned it enough, CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVE.

Fuckery the Second:
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions (that name is so stupid) doesn't believe that the racism inherent in our incarceration system is a bug.  For him, it's a feature.  Jefferson Beauregard Sessions would like to reinstate mandatory minimums because he is a racist and also because he believes that it's totally cool to make money off filling up prisons, so long as you're filling them up with black and brown people.  Mandatory minimums are cruel and ineffective and, as our president* might say, everyone knows it (in case you don't want to click on that link, that's an article about how the motherflipping KOCH BROTHERS are opposed to them).  CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVE and tell him or her that you're very concerned about this.

Fuckery the Third:
Much like how Jefferson Beauregard Sessions (seriously, that name) believes that it's totes cool to get rich off locking people up, Betsy Devos is all for making a mint off not educating kids by starving public education and offering for-profit "choice" (I hope those quote marks are coming off as sarcastically as they're intended).  Devos plans to slash the education budget by over 10 billion dollars, and then funnel that money into "school choice."  Why am I being so sarcastic about "choice"?  Firstly because I've had a kid in public schools for 11 years now and have seen (unlike Betsy Fucking Devos) firsthand how hard they work and how little governmental support they're offered.  And secondly, because it's such an obvious racket! If a kid in Englewood isn't "gifted" enough for whatever "choice" Devos imagines she's offering, that kid is stuck with an underfunded neighborhood school. In the meantime, wealthy white and middle-class kids will always be serviced, irrespective of how "gifted" they are or are not. This is as Devos, Sessions and big old chunk of white America believes as it should be.   Of course, it all makes a kind of sick sense: if you don't spend any money on educating these kids, they'll be more likely to commit a crime and enrich a prison owner. Look, it's wrong and sick and evil and guess what I think you should do?  CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVE and tell them you believe in quality public education for all children. (Also, you guys, Betsy Devos' brother is Eric Prince, who founded Blackwater because it's not just prisons and failing to educate all children you can profit off of.  There's also war!)

Donald Trump is, in fact, existentially dangerous.  He is also hard to look away from.  But do not forget the fuckery that lies beneath.  Pick up the phone.  Do it every day.  Call the people who represent you and let them know that you're paying attention and that you care because it really for true matters! Turn your back on Betsy Devos if she has the gall to speak at your school. Boo Jeff Sessions if you walk past him at the airport.  Beleaguer the fuckers. They have earned it.

And while I'm bugging you: support real news.  The Washington Post and The New York Times are doing the metaphorical lord's work.  If you can afford to subscribe, do it.

And, come time to vote for Congress in 2018? DO IT YOU BASTARDS OR I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND PUNCH YOU IN THE JIMMY!  VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

Much of what I write about here is stuff I've gleaned from the Crooked Media podcasts.  Cannot recommend them enough for smart people talking about important things. Also Jon Lovett is a goddamn delight.

There's so plenty of fuckery out there.  Keep your eyes on it as much of it as you can but don't, FTLOG, panic.  That does no one any good.

This American Evening

It was my last night tutoring Shin Hyang for her citizenship exam so I stopped at Hoosier Mama and picked her up an apple pie because after her interview on Thursday she'll be as "American as Apple Pie."  Cute right? I got the idea from a jokey FB post from my groovy friend, Justin, which was cosigned by another groovy friend, Ed.  The pie cost $25 (!) but it looked really good.

I drove to the lesson listening to a Tom and Lorenzo podcast about the latest episode of Rupaul's Drag Race, muttering to myself about how they were not giving Shea Coulee her due. Goddamn elite Northeasterners, never giving the Chicago girl credit.

(She's so fabulous)

I stopped at McDonald's on the way to get myself some fries and a Coke Zero.  When I got to the second window, they told me they were out of Coke Zero.  I sighed and said, "Fine.  Just give me a Diet."  And then I muttered to myself a little more about how that McDonald's is allatime running out of Coke Zero.  Everybody likes it, Howard Street McDonalds, just buy more!

Shin Hyang was visibly touched by my gift of apple pie which, obvy, touched me in turn.  She is just the sweetest lady.  We ran through her citizenship form twice, running through all the ways we figured they'd test her English:

Me: And what is "Communism?"
Shin Hyang: Government with no freedom like North Korea
Me: And what is "genocide"?
Shin Hyang: Killing whole nation of people
Me: And what is "torture"

Our lessons are super cheery.

When we finished, I said "Girl, you got this!"; an exhortation which I think was born from its proximity to my deep RuPaul dive (note: everyone's life is about 20% better for an hour a week with RuPaul. I've done the math).  I made Shin Hyang promise to text me after the test and then she immediately burst into tears.

So, obvy, I did too.  I mean, I've been asking her "and what is a totalitarian government" for four months now! I am invested and also I love her and I want her to get this so bad!

After I left, I stopped at Target for a few things, but mostly for a bag of ice because Target has the best bagged ice (it is known).  When I walked into the store, I observed that they'd moved the ice freezer to right by the door. "Oh," I thought.  "It's like Jewel. I can just grab it on the way out."  So I picked up my few other things and as I began being checking out asked "Can you ring me up for a bag of ice?" This cute young girl with perfect skin and a 22 year old metabolism put on an irritated face and said, "No. I mean, I have to have something to scan." And looked at me all:

Well, obviously, this will not stand! I'm not going to get BACK IN LINE after I check out to get ice that she should just be able to ring up now. So I grumped, "Fine, I'll just go grab one" and ignored the eyerolls from the lady in line behind me.  I walked ALL THE WAY to the door, grabbed the ice, came back and said "Kind of begs the question, 'why is the freezer by the door then'?"

And this checker had the temerity not to agree with me and instead to look at the checker next to her like "Can you believe this bitch?" But I do not care because I am righteous in my rightness.  And I am goddamn right!  There's no damn point in putting the ice freezer by the damn door if you have to scan it to purchase.  I walked out of the store in a fury:

I was thisclose to "I want to see the manager."  I was that middle-aged, white lady.  But I don't care because I am rightly right right.

I took a real foray into the best and worst of America tonight.  It was a Tuesday evening full of drag queens and fast food and consumerism and civic duty and entitlement.  It's America - there's a whole lot bullshit, but some stuff is kind of fabulous.

Y'all, I really hope Shin Hyang's interviewer isn't an asshole.  Keep your fingers crossed!