Tuesday, May 2, 2017

This American Evening

It was my last night tutoring Shin Hyang for her citizenship exam so I stopped at Hoosier Mama and picked her up an apple pie because after her interview on Thursday she'll be as "American as Apple Pie."  Cute right? I got the idea from a jokey FB post from my groovy friend, Justin, which was cosigned by another groovy friend, Ed.  The pie cost $25 (!) but it looked really good.

I drove to the lesson listening to a Tom and Lorenzo podcast about the latest episode of Rupaul's Drag Racemuttering to myself about how they were not giving Shea Coulee her due. Goddamn elite Northeasterners, never giving the Chicago girl credit.

(She's so fabulous)
I stopped at McDonald's on the way to get myself some fries and a Coke Zero.  When I got to the second window, they told me they were out of Coke Zero.  I sighed and said, "Fine.  Just give me a Diet."  And then I muttered to myself a little more about how that McDonald's is allatime running out of Coke Zero.  Everybody likes it, Howard Street McDonalds, just buy more!

Shin Hyang was visibly touched by my gift of apple pie which, obvy, touched me in turn.  She is just the sweetest lady.  We ran through her citizenship form twice, running through all the ways we figured they'd test her English:

Me: And what is "Communism?"
Shin Hyang: Government with no freedom like North Korea
Me: And what is "genocide"?
Shin Hyang: Killing whole nation of people
Me: And what is "torture"

Our lessons are super cheery.

When we finished, I said "Girl, you got this!"; an exhortation which I think was born from its proximity to my deep RuPaul dive (note: everyone's life is about 20% better for an hour a week with RuPaul. I've done the math).  I made Shin Hyang promise to text me after the test and then she immediately burst into tears.

So, obvy, I did too.  I mean, I've been asking her "and what is a totalitarian government" for four months now! I am invested and also I love her and I want her to get this so bad!

After I left, I stopped at Target for a few things, but mostly for a bag of ice because Target has the best bagged ice (it is known).  When I walked into the store, I observed that they'd moved the ice freezer to right by the door. "Oh," I thought.  "It's like Jewel. I can just grab it on the way out."  So I picked up my few other things and as I began being checking out asked "Can you ring me up for a bag of ice?" This cute young girl with perfect skin and a 22 year old metabolism put on an irritated face and said, "No. I mean, I have to have something to scan." And looked at me all:

Well, obviously, this will not stand! I'm not going to get BACK IN LINE after I check out to get ice that she should just be able to ring up now. So I grumped, "Fine, I'll just go grab one" and ignored the eyerolls from the lady in line behind me.  I walked ALL THE WAY to the door, grabbed the ice, came back and said "Kind of begs the question, 'why is the freezer by the door then'?"

And this checker had the temerity not to agree with me and instead to look at the checker next to her like "Can you believe this bitch?" But I do not care because I am righteous in my rightness.  And I am goddamn right!  There's no damn point in putting the ice freezer by the damn door if you have to scan it to purchase.  I walked out of the store in a fury:

I was thisclose to "I want to see the manager."  I was that middle-aged, white lady.  But I don't care because I am rightly right right.

I took a real foray into the best and worst of America tonight.  It was a Tuesday evening full of drag queens and fast food and consumerism and civic duty and entitlement.  It's America - there's a whole lot bullshit, but some stuff is kind of fabulous.

Y'all, I really hope Shin Hyang's interviewer isn't an asshole.  Keep your fingers crossed!