I always return from vacation cheerfully replete with good intentions. You know how it is - you're all refreshed and relaxed and also you've just spent several days eating and drinking to vast excess? (Right? That's not just me, right?) So I went to the store to buy some healthy food because a woman cannot survive on alcohol, sugar and fried foods alone. I shopped with the full intention to embrace virtue, you know, gastronomically.
In the immediate present, though, I find myself sitting here in front of my laptop with a damn cut on my damn right wrist which I got scavenging through my damn kitchen drawers looking for the damn carrot peeler and I cannot, dammit, find it anywhere! Where is the carrot peeler, you guys? Where did I put it?
I do not believe it is possible to become a woman who will put the carrot peeler back where it belongs. I know this because I wrote this exact same damn blogpost two years ago about tweezers rather than carrot peelers.
One of my post-holiday good intentions was to try and write more. I had some plans to bloggily sort through my complicated feelings about the demise of Gawker. I had a post in mind about how I think that while Donald Trump is an absolute joke he still may manage to foment terrorism from within the Crazy Motherfucker rank and file (Not all Donald Trump fans are Crazy Motherfuckers - but, man, a whooooole lot of them are and I am kinda low-key worried about the Crazy Motherfucker surfeit in America these days). I had a bloggy idea about familial competition (within my little family, we are weirdly competitive about who's getting the best cell service). I had ideas is what I'm saying.
But they've been buried underneath a mountain of frustration because I cannot find the goddamn carrot peeler and I have no one to cast this annoyance unto but my own damn self.
Seriously, though, do you guys know where my damn carrot peeler is? And if you do not know this (and why would you) can you recommend some sort of blog or something? Not to learn how to be more organized (I will never be more organized), but with some advice on how to accept that it is OK to be a little disorganized and that, as it is possible to get a new carrot peeler for under $5, I should just, Jesus, you know, relax about it a little? Because I remain all goddammity.
Sigh. I'm just going to have a beer and some cheese or something.