I would like to pretend that I am the gif whisperer and that as I compose these little bloggities, I consult a directory of neatly filed gifs and insert them accordingly. But, really, the gif search is usually the most time-consuming part of any post.
There. Have a little inside Shouting Down the Well baseball. I am not a gif master. I'm merely a pretender to the gif throne. But even as a pretender, I can have strong feelings. Gif is pronounced with a hard G like "gift" not a soft g like "giraffe." I don't care what anyone says. Hard G. Not soft. Are we all in agreement? No? You're wrong, I'm right. And don't even get me started in dah-ta again. DAY-ta. Dammit.
And now I'm gonna tell you who I'm voting for and why. I was going to avoid writing about it for the whole season, but I've been composing this bloggity within the dark recesses of my own damn brain for a while now and it's time to get it out since, you know, better out than in.
I like Bernie Sanders. I like him a lot. I think he's a good man and a skilled politician and has great ideas and if he happens to win the nomination, I will send him a check, put a Bernie sticker on the back of my car and vote for him gladly.
But I'm pulling the lever for Hillary and am doing so for the following two reasons.
Reason the First: She is Tenacious and Tough.
I've been following Hillary Clinton since 1991. In that time, she's been called a castrating bitch and a murderer. She's been the star of a host of tabloid lesbian scandals. Remember Whitewater? How was Whitewater even a thing? Whitewater was ridiculous! Her hair, her wardrobe, her manner of walking and speaking, what she was like as a parent, as a wife - all these things have been viciously attacked and she is still standing. She is Tubthumping. What does Donald Trump have left to throw at her? What does the establishment right have left to throw at her? They've thrown it all at her and she's still standing.
I cannot tell you how much I admire that. She's got ovaries of steel. I want to hide under the bed when someone disagrees politely with me on a Facebook post!
Reason the Second: Her Policy Proposals are Practical
I like Bernie's policy ideas a lot. I would love to live in the Scandinavian paradise he so rightly advocates for. Of course we can pay for the things he proposes. His policies make sound fiscal and moral sense. But I also remember the Obamacare Death March of 2010. Do you? Do you guys remember that? How fucking crazy was that? The sheer amount of political will it took just to get that limited, flawed plan in place?
Free college for all? Single payer? That's not going to happen with our gerrymandered, fractured, fucked up, broken congress. Sanders can explain why it's better, he can explain how to pay for it - what he can't explain is how to get it passed. And again, I know he's a skilled pol - but this ain't about adding amendments to bills. This is a revolution. And we could use one. But if we're gonna revolt through the presidency, we're gonna need a whole new Congress to go along with it.
When it comes down to it, Hillary and Bernie are pretty close on the issues. But Hillary wants to build on what's been done so far, and Bernie wants to start over and get something better. I'm betting that Hillary is more likely to get her plan done.
I sure would like some democratic socialism. But the path towards that is not via the presidency. It's via Congress. We should get this fired up during mid-terms and the like. We should be GOTV in the boring elections. Let's remember that in 2018.
Passionate Bernie Fan, I get it. I like your guy a lot. I thought long and hard about pulling the lever for him, but I have more confidence in Hillary. I certainly won't think any less of you for sticking with your convictions and voting for the candidate who speaks to you, who you believe it. And I would hope that all of us on the left would afford one another the same courtesy. But if you can't, that's OK. I was the same way about Hillary in 2008 as you are about her now, which makes it sort of amazing how much I like her now. Must be an Obama-effect (fwiw, I continue to really like Obama too and wish I could just vote for him again).
One more thing, Passionate Bernie Fan, just one more thing: I want a woman president. And if you poo poo that - if you say stupid shit like "having a uterus doesn't qualify you for the presidency" I'm gonna go full on Season 6 Willow - black eyes, spinning head, the whole nine yards. It Matters. It isn't why I'm voting for Hillary Clinton - but it is important. And it pisses me off more than you can imagine when you dismiss it or claim you'd like a woman president but only the woman who isn't fucking running. Urgh. Stop doing that!
That is all. I'm pulling the lever for Hillary.