Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Sure, I'd Love To

Edited to Add: GIFs!!!


I am on the verge of writing the kind of blogpost that would, had someone else written it, annoy the shit out of me.  Following,  I am going to write about some change I made in my life with an easily recognizably smug implication you should all make the same inspirational change.  If this were a video it would be on Upworthy with some horrible click-baity title like "You Won't Believe the One Change She Made to Make a Marvelous Life.  Brought to you by Pantene."  If this were a listicle it would have one entry on Buzzfeed and feature an entertaining gif from something like The Muppets or Mary Tyler Moore.

But look, before I start writing this let me warn you: you should probably not take my advice.  I am a very flawed person.  I consume far too much sugar, alcohol and diet soda.  I watch terrible shows on television but will judge you harshly if you admit to being a Seth McFarlane fan. I think unkind things about perfectly nice people all the time.  I get irrationally angry at drivers who fail to use turn signals and feel real passionate hatred for people who drive slow in the left lane.  I often think you're talking about me because I am, at heart, a narcissist.  I eat dinner in front of Simpsons reruns with my daughter instead of at the table.  I haven't gotten a haircut in six months because I hate the way I look in the mirror at the salon, which means barring ponytail holders I look like a sister wife.  I wear shorts to work. I get angry with the dog at night when he snores and wake him up by swatting him on the ass, which hurts his feelings.  I wash my sheets more than my daughter's because she has a loft bed and it's a huge pain to get them down.  I don't make her get her own goddamn sheets down because that's kind of a lot of work too and it's just easier to pretend that she's not that dirty.  I'm pretty lazy.  I Facebook too much. I weigh a solid 20 pounds more than I ought to.  I cannot figure out Twitter.  I cry all the time even though I'm not particularly sad, which I believe annoys more than amuses the people I love.

I am not a fount of wisdom.  To wit: I think I maybe should have said "I'm not a font of wisdom,"  but I'm not going to look it up, and the Internet is Right There.  (see above: lazy)


Is this movie good or overrated?  I can't remember...

I made a decision recently to start saying "yes" more.  (I know.  I hate myself for writing it too.)  I realized lately that I'd gotten really good at making excuses not to do things.  The weather is super shitty.  Don works nights so I have to get a sitter, and there's not always one to get.  Besides, we're always broke so who can afford dinner and a sitter?  It's hard to find parking.   I don't want to go alone.  There's something good on TV.  I'm almost to the end of this book. I need to clean the floors. There's always a reason not to do things.

But it had gotten to the point where my primary social contact was Laney.  And, y'all, she is awesome, but she is 11.  So, I decided that when I was invited to do things, I would start at the default position of "yes," to see if I could get myself out of the house.

Here's the change: when something came up (an invitation, an event), rather then starting to think about why I couldn't go, I'd immediately begin to work up a plan for making it work.  It was kind of a switch. I'd developed a pretty strong polite regrets muscle; working that into an enthusiastic acceptance muscle took a little work.

But it's been rewarding.  I'm feeling a little less like a loser (just a little - I mean if you'd detailed all your faults like I just did, you'd probably still feel a little like a loser).  I've had some pleasant conversations and seen some good shows and gotten myself out just a little.

I'm told by people who know that social lives get easier when kids get older.  Laney's getting older.  So this is probably a normal part of the family evolution.  Still.  It's nice to get out every now and again, you know?

Anyone doing anything good next weekend?

Always good to go out with a swearing Amy Poehler