Look, I am a remarkably skeptical woman. If you start telling me the story of that time you saw a ghost, I will roll my eyeballs so hard they'll pop out of my head and STILL look scornfully at your from the floor. I will remind you repeatedly and with great fervor that NOTHING you do will affect the outcome of the game you are watching on television. I may not say this out loud, but if you present me with any Catholic paraphernalia, I'll obviously be thinking that Mary was (a)not a virgin and (b)not a blonde.
For a woman dripping in scornful skepticism like myself, though, I am remarkably susceptible to feeling a failure because things in my own life are not working out like they do on sitcoms. For example, I am surprised that I don't see my friends as much post-Laney as I did pre-Laney. Rachel, after all, could be found at Central Perk as often post-Emma as she could pre-Emma! And, why don't I have more money? I mean, folks on TV are all the time complaining about how little money they have, but they wear such nice clothes!
The worst, though, are the eating habits of the Modern TV Comedienne. This is especially evidenced in my two favorite Modern TV Comic Female Characters: Lorelei Gilmore and Liz Lemon. I actually believe that it is some kind of moral failing on my part that I can't eat pizza for dinner every night and have an ass like Lorelei. Liz Lemon evidently eats nothing but sandwiches and still rocks a size 2. Obviously, if I were funnier, I could eat like them and be that thin. Right? That's got to be it.
Great - now I'm hungry.