So many years I've resolved to lose weight or write a book or be nicer. Instead I just get fatter and don't even read enough and, lordy, do I get grumpier every year. So this year, I decided to make a resolution I could stick to: I resolved to not click on a single Sarah Palin story all year.
And, you guys, I have been WILDLY successful. Of course, it helps that Sarah Palin has Sarah Palin-ed herself into obsolescence. Hers was a star that burned bold, like a tremendous fart during a quiet moment at the opera, but it was bound to be brief. There's only so long one can sustain a public persona of obvious horribleness covered lightly by a patina of milf-y righteous indignation.
Her name has popped up, though, in my various social media feeds. But I have not clicked on a single story. Mostly I remember Sarah Palin as that lady who made SNL politically relevant again for a spell (I'm hopeful for Kate McKinnon's Hilary Clinton, though. That's pretty good).
Just a few moments ago, I was on Facebook (as is my wont, because I am old) and I clicked on a story about Rudy Giuliani saying something about how Barack Obama is actually an Indonesian lesbian who only speaks Klingon at home or how the Wu-Tang Clan has been around longer than racism and, you guys, the story wouldn't load! And so I was all OH MY GOD LOAD LOAD LOAD! I want a shot of that sweet, sweet outrage! Gimme!
Obviously, I have developed a Rudy Giuliani problem and I'm going to have to resolve to stop clicking on any stories about him too. The man is a buffoon. His sole mission now is to piss off liberals. I shall spend no more of my valuable time on this dude anymore.
But, I know I'll find some other jackhole dedicated to pissing off liberals to spend my clicks on. To be honest: I like it. I like reading about the Palin's and Guiliani's and letting my own (maybe a little milf-y?) righteous indignation fuel me through another day; mama needs a little reassurance, from time to time, that she's a good person and I can get that when I recognize what colossal assholes those other guys are in that story with a headline that begins "YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT....!
Sigh. I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop being outraged by these pitiful displays. I'll carry on being aware that there's a chunk of America that thinks Barack Obama is insufficiently American because he doesn't think the A in US of A stands for AWESOME! And I'll stay aware that there's a really sad and shocking amount of Americans who remain steadfastly convinced that black people are responsible for racism (oh, my nillas, PLEASE stop that). But no more wasting my time on clicks designed to gin up my own outrage.
It's bad for the soul. And probably the complexion. And, goddammit, I wanna be a little milf-y for a while longer!